This is not my ceiling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
