apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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