I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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