I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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