Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
