Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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