fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
