You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
