you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
