At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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