he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize