Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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