Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
