I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
