Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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