awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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