I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire