Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize