It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat