ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
