That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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