boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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