marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
