I want to make a zoo with you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
