If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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