the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm going to jail i love you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
