I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
