apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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