You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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