I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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