wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
