I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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