And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize