He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
