I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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