I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
