Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
