i don't like sucking hair
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
