Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
