so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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