Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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