i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
