Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
