I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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