If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize