Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
