i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
