You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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