Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
