So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
