I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
