it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
