You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
