You're completely useless in the revolution.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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