I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
