i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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