Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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