This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
