On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
