I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
