I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
