At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
