I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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