I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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