O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
