Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
