I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
