Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
