Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
