I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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