Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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