Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
