that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
