oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
