I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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