they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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