apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
