In the future we'll all be gay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
