this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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