i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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